Ok is alright with me.

So I've been thinking about my life.
I've been okay.
I can't really complain all that much.
I can't complain anymore than I could yesterday.

I'm just so tired.
Are you ever just tired?
I'm not tired enough to just stop living my life.
I'm just tired enough to lag in my functioning.

I need to write.
Its stuck.
I don't know what is stuck.
I don't know what is holding me back from everything.
Right now i feel incredibly restricted.
I don't really know why.
I just want to shake it off.

My theme for the last two or so months has been a Coach Flynn quote
"Play through"
Thats kind of what I've been doing. Just "playing through"
Playing through the pain of being sick and not knowing what is going to happen to me.
Playing through my anxieties about Devon. I guess not just Devon, but boys in general.
Playing through all this Mark shit.
*Side note*
Mark sucks. Jesus Christ he sucks. IDIOT. I cannot believe he wants me to 'love' him again. I wasted so much time on that fucker.
I blame him for my insecurities. Which is funny because I know that I was entirely too good for him. I was the only one not to realize it while we were dating.
*anyway*
I'm trying to play through and not give up.
Even though it would be so much easier to just give up.
I really feel like I dont have anything to live for right now.
I'm not doing anything
I"m not going anywhere in life.
I really dont feel good about myself.
I wish it was different.
I wish i could be happy again.
I really dont remember what it was like to be happy.