Tu.

What question do i have to answer?
What can i possibly say to make it better?
I don't think anything is real.
I want to die.
thank you for making me want to live
and die in the same sentence.
I hate you for that.
You are being so unrealistic.
You are only imagining the way you feel about me.
You're making it all up in your head,
My life is always going to suck like this
I wish someone would have warned you.

He fucking has NO idea how much I've liked him for years. He has no clue that I fucking go crazy when i see him. I thought for the longest time that It wasn't real. It was a joke. Just harmless flirting. NO. apparently its not. Now he tells me its not. How can I possibly convince myself that its really real. I don't believe it.

He put his hand on my thigh tonight. It felt so real. It felt so right for him to be so close to me. So fucking right. I seriously never would have thought that he was anything that I would ever want to be with. Never. Ever. In a lifetime would i have thought that he wanted me back.

He says im "all talk" "full of it" How could I possibly be anything other than that. I never, ever, once believed in him being anymore than someone that i had a harmless little girl crush on. Now. all of a fucking sudden. Its not just a crush. Its REAL. what i have wanted for years is happening. I can't start it. Or stop it. I want him so bad.

He has no idea how bad i've wanted him. NO IDEA. No clue how bad it hurts. How many times i think about him. I get so excited when he calls. God damn it. He has no clue. I can't believe the way that i felt when he touched me. OH MY GOD. I have NEVER felt so good in my life. I'm scared that no one else will make me feel as good as he does.

He knows me so well. I have crush on him in the worst way. I just cant seem to believe it. I can't let him in. I can't let anyone else in until I give him the chance he wants so badly.

He hasnt called back. He should have called back by now.