I want to rock and roll all night.

So I was scrolling through my facebook pictures and you can definitely see how my laugh has progressed over the last almost year. Lets talk about it.

My pictures start with basketball. That was pretty much my life during high school. Basketball.
The next picture if from my 18th birthday party. That was officially the closure of high school for me. Everything from that point on was a dire need to get out. I like that picture a lot. I think i was talking about who i should call to play kick ball with us. That night was really fun. I miss nights like that. I need to start having them with my new friends. With the new people in my life that care about me as much as those people did. Lets be honest. Between the end of the year, summer, and college I've lost almost all of those connections. Some of them I'm okay with. I've kept all of the ties I needed to keep to prevent me losing who i was becoming.
Then my pictures go to Prom. That was the end of the life I lead in high school. Everything changed just before prom and just after it. It was nice to be someone new. It was nice to stop masquerading as the girl that my high school wanted me to bed, and start becoming the person I am now.
The next series of pictures, are all pictures from meijer. Our goal for the night was to walk through every aisle of meijer. We still haven't done it. I wish we had. Or at least we would finish something. Maybe it symbolizes something. Like the journey we're taking together, right. It might even symbolize the fact that we shop at two different meijers now. We're in two different places. Maybe even the same places at different times. Maybe if we finish that trip I won't be so up set that she left. She did what was best for her. I'm selfish for being jealous and inconsiderate. But i can't help that. I hope she knows that I can't help it.
After the meijer pictures come the 'first weekend I got to see her since college pictures' i remember how upset i was after the first time i saw her at college. when i went up there with her mom. I died on the inside. I honestly thought i would never recover with out her. I thought I would never bounce back after that weekend. She doesn't know it, but I cried the whole way home. I stopped when i got to schoolcraft. I stopped crying when i realized how trapped i was going to be. I've never cried so hard in my life. That was the longest drive home i have ever had. I hated how jealous i was. I hated how much i realized that i was trapped. How limited I was when i was at home. that was before i met team Jordan. Before I found some of my best confidences in people and in myself. It wasnt until school started for me that i realized that i was going to be just fine. that there were going to be people in my life that cared about me just as much as she does.
The next pictures are of team jordan. I miss those days. I miss that class. I've never taken so much out of a class in my life. I left a completely new and capable person. Part of me wishes i still had it to rely on. But I don't I just have to keep growing. Keep on moving in that direction. I never thought i would carry my head so high.
In those pictures from school there are pictures with her and I and the mona lisa puzzle. that puzzle is still my room. Wasting space. Collecting dust. Just like our meijer trip, we havent finished that either. I gave her the puzzle with the donuts in hopes that she would want to finish the mona puzzle just a little bit more. She hasn't noticed.
I love the pictures that i take with mike. I love him. it is a platonic love but a love nonetheless. On the list of people that have touched my life and helped me become someone i never thought i would be.. he's up there. Aside from the relationship with my brother and dad it is a relationship that i see the most potential to be someone i could rely on a lot. I need that. I'm pretty sure hes okay with being that guy. He's helped me a lot with the whole thom thing. Which i can't read at all. I'm glad he has my back.
the next pictures are from new years. that was a good night. thats about all it was. just a good night. aside from being let down by chad, and the weather being awful. but it's sad that what i remember about that night is how clean my room was.
Flattered. that describes the next big chunk of pictures. Bri took all of those. I was flattered. I like all of them. She did a great job, she's really talented. She's helped me too. I dont know what i would do with out Bri. We're fun. We have fun. Too much fun for some. Not nearly enough for us. She pushes me to be better than her. Especially because I'm wayyy jealous of how talented of an artist she is. Its sad that im so subconsciously competitive with her.
Next are the pictures from the most hilarious night i think i've ever had in my life. the gays are great. Love them Love them Love them.
Last but not least are the pictures from valentines. That is the weekend I realized I was doing okay with out her. i miss her. A lot. So don't get it twisted. But it made me realize that i'm doing just fine. I couldn't live with out her in my life but i'm doing okay now. i've kind of adjusted to her not being around.

I'm want to stand up. I'm want to let go. You know? No, you don't.

I've been singing today.
A lot of lyrics are sticking in my head right now:
"You're to young for me, but I can keep a secret"
--This is sticking in my head solely due to one person. One person in particular whom I really like. He knows I like him and he's well aware of our age difference
"Somebody wants you. Somebody needs you. Somebody dreams about you every single night."
-- Again. About the same guy. Well maybe not the same guy. Probably all guys in general. I mean who doesn't want someone to think about them every night before they go to sleep. Do you think about me at night? Do you think about me at all?
"What would you do if I sang out of tune?"
--True story. What would you do if I was wrong? Would you notice? Would you acknowledge? Would you be impressed if I changed, If i was different?
"And that's when I decided to break it"
-- You can't measure how over it I am. It's not possible. I want to just break. I want to just say fuck you. But I think you are worth my time. Worthy of my heart. Do you think you are?
"I'll do my best to feel broke down. Give me a minute, A second. I'll wait for you to make a sound"
-- What music am I listening to. Why does every thing bring me back to you?
"Sleep. I need it so bad"
--Enough said.

A thousand promises that never seemed to help me before.

I've decided that i need to change my facebook about me.
Wow. Lame.
but yet again, i dont know what to change it to. I'm thinking it should be a negative one.
like instead of saying :
I have brown hair : I don't have blonde hair.
I'm tall and thing : I'm not short and fat.

Thats kind of lame.
maybe i should just change it like every week.
Song lyrics would be funnnnnn.
Lame, but fun.

I'll give it a go.
The good ole college try.
Thanks for your input.
Love it.

~~Jordan.

Thank you for becoming everything I thought you wouldnt.
It turns out you still had your turn to try and wreck me.
Good approach.
Good try.
Almost had me.
Now get lost goodbye.

Keep me in your sights as I walk
Thats right, I'l just walk away.
Not coming back soon enough for you to remember.
Forget me first
Good approach.
Good try.
Almost had me.
I'll get lost, goodbye.

I'm lost in you, with you ,and what you do.
I'd still take you back if you wanted me to.
Thats sad, and pathetic.
It takes more than once for me to learn.
Apparently I haven't learned my lesson.
Good approach.
Good try.
You've got me.
I'm not over it but goodbye