((untitled))

If you gave me the chance. I promise you'd love me. How could you not? I know there is someone else, and I know theres a lot of time in between us. I know you'd love me if you gave me the chance. What is really stopping you?

Somebody's me.

I've cried.
Three times.
One tear for you.
A tear for the one you're leaving.
And a tear for the one who's left behind.
Three tears for you.
Three cheers from me
To you.
Three tears that
I had no pleasure in giving.
Three tears for the song.
With a partial tear or two
To wallow, and dedicate.
I've cried.
Three whole times.
Three real cries.
Distributing relentlessly
My cries for me,
Guilding them as cries for you.
Oh, to end this lunacy.
Oh, for you to dedicate
Three cries to me.
In a selfless bound
No rules will apply.
A selfless bound only
will it take for you to cry.
Oh, to end this lunacy.
Oh, to sleep for one crazy night.
In time,
In passing,
And once in the early bite of morning.
Please, please, please
Cry your Cries in threes.
Cry your unseen cries for me.
Oh, to cry as many as I.
Oh, for you to really feel.
Cry at least one cry for me.
Cry just once
Allow me to see.
I've cried.
Three times multiplied by years.
I've cried.
Three times it takes to realize
I'm the one leaving
I'm the one left behind
I'm the one hurting.
Three times.
I've cried.

Save tonight, Fight the break of Dawn

This is a compilation Mix of my ADHD.

Go.

Christmas, was today.
Man, this is a good song.
Janet, by The Format.
They rock.
Back to Christmas.
Lost the cookie contest.
Didn't even place.
Bummer.
Competitivity,
thats probably not a word,
on christmas = not fun.
Melissa is out of town.
I miss her.
I want to play Roller Coaster Tycoon.
I beat a level yesterday.
That was pretty much the highlight.
Well that, and I got a sweeet
hat and scarf.
But I knew I was going to get them.
I think Christmas loses its materialistic importance
as we age.
When you stop believing that Santa is real,
God, shuffle is amazing.
Pandora is SWEET at shuffle.
Anyway, back to Santa.
Just kidding.
I'm tired.
I have to work tmorrow.
Sad :(
I'm taking Zach to get games
for the Wii.
We got a Wii!!.
Its fun watching mom play.
Almost as fun as watching
Grandpa play guitar hero.
Thats funny shit.
He didnt play today.
But i played, for the first time ever
Its hard :(
I suck at it.
Oh well
Merry Christmas.
I'm going to bed.
Actually, i'm going to call chad.
No suprise there.
g'night.

This, is going to be interesting.

In true christmas eve tradition, I cannot sleep.
Big Fucking Suprise.
With that said
I'm going to say this
I'm freaking bored, and
Nothing exciting is happening on facebook.
With that said
In the consistancy of my life
that makes me really super cool today
and pretty much the same amount of cool
as any other day.

So, basically, to sum it all up
I'm going to be concieted
and write about my self.
I feel as though I need a new
'about me' section.
Let me check...
Yep..
Still Lame.
Life goes on.

A is for Awesome,
B ecause lets face it, I am.
C rap I'm already out of ideas.
D amn I suck at creating about me's.
E eventually I'll say something clever.
F inally, an Idea.
G reat, that is what I am.
H ot, don't forget, I'm pretty Hot too.
I don't want to sound to full of myself. So I'll keep it simple.
J ordan Ashleigh, << Tis me.
K ool-aide, shit, that was
L ame, I'm lame
M ost of the time.
N ot really.
O ld school hip hop is
P retty much Amazing.
Q uitting, this soon is probably a good idea.
R eally?!? ((courtesy a la Bronwyn))
S hort is something I'm not.
T all is something I am. Yo
U should have stopped reading this along time ago. These are just
V ague details.
W ow, you're still reading.
X ylophone. Does anything else really start with X?
Z ippers, I don't really have an oppinion about zippers.
&
Now you've heard my abc's :D

Okay.
Wow.
Merry Christmas.

Somethin' 'bout the midwest, honey.

I'm so FUCKING over Chad.
Just an F.Y.I.
This feeling may not be limited to Chad
but it is definitely generated by Chad.
FUCK YOU CHAD!!
Quit Ditching Me.
You either want me,
or you dont.
GOD FORBID
any man know what they want
Really.?!?
Really.!?!
Stop being dumb.
Stop sucking.
Stop being a Douche.

I don't know how to juggle chainsaws.

I dont really think i have ever EVER been this insecure with my life. I dont know what is going to happen to me. Nobody knows what is going to happen to them all the time, but they at least have some idea. I think someone else should put something HUGE on plate. Throw one more chainsaw for me to juggle. I don't want to juggle. I dont know how to juggle. and i dont want to learn. DAMN IT. I'm missing some key ingredients to my life, and i dont know what i'm going to do if i dont get those ingredients soon. You would think that something could go right for me. I miss being happy. i miss things working out. I miss knowing what is going to happen to me. I miss my life because what i'm doing right now can hardly be called a life.

I want another corndog. . . .

CrazyJD0073 (5:52:57 PM): i want another corn dog
CrazyJD0073 (5:53:03 PM): but ive already had two
CrazyJD0073 (5:53:31 PM): to get a 3rd corndog
CrazyJD0073 (5:53:37 PM): or not to get a 3rd corn dog
CrazyJD0073 (5:53:42 PM): that is the question
melissaroonie (5:53:56 PM): lol
melissaroonie (5:53:58 PM): good question
CrazyJD0073 (5:54:26 PM): answer......
CrazyJD0073 (5:55:18 PM): answer is a weird word
CrazyJD0073 (5:55:25 PM): am i spelling it right?
CrazyJD0073 (5:55:43 PM): because when yousay it, it definately isnt spelled like that
CrazyJD0073 (5:55:50 PM): thats frustrating
melissaroonie (5:56:00 PM): what what??
CrazyJD0073 (5:56:07 PM): answer
CrazyJD0073 (5:56:19 PM): it doesnt sound like it should
CrazyJD0073 (5:56:23 PM): like when you say it
CrazyJD0073 (5:56:29 PM): an-sir
CrazyJD0073 (5:56:31 PM): swer?
CrazyJD0073 (5:56:42 PM): who the FUCK thought of that
CrazyJD0073 (5:57:10 PM): seriously, they're probably dead by now, but if they weren't i would expect them to get shot
melissaroonie (5:57:38 PM): hahahhahahahaha
melissaroonie (5:57:41 PM): hahahahahhahahahahahaha

To you, From The Heartborken

My Dearest _ _ _ _,
You suck. You really, really suck. I don't like you. I don't like the things you talk about. You're dumb. You're dumb, and I don't like you. You are just comfortable. That's all you are to me.. comfort. Comfort. I can't talk to you... about anything. We have so very little in common that it blows my mind when i sit and think about it. Ha. Ha. It is blowing my mind right now. You have NOTHING that i want besides the comfort that you offer. I'm not all that attracted to you. We don't really talk about anything. We don't go on dates. Your friends don't really like me. My friends don't really like you, even a little. The only things i can ever say about you are bad. Over the years you've made me cry, and caused me more grief than ANYONE else I've ever been with or even known. You hurt me the most. THE MOST. doesn't that really suck to hear. Well as much as it sucks to hear it sucks as much, if not more, to say. Say, Ha. That's funny. When someone uses the word 'say' it usually implies talking and we don't talk. WE DON'T TALK ABOUT ANYTHING IMPORTANT OR REAL. I don't care what you think and who you compare me to with the amount of talking that they do with you, but as for us are concerned we don't talk enough. Seriously, seriously. I could never EVER tell you this stuff to your face because i cant stand to hurt you. As a matter of fact i would do anything not to hurt you. Even if i get hurt, which has been a common theme in our interaction. I GET HURT. no matter what happens i get hurt and, you, you don't feel anything. I have never believed you when you've told me you love me. I have never believed you once. That sucks. You suck. This whole mess that you put me through sucks.
I'm writing you this for you to see. but i know you'll never see it. You'll never even look for it. You wont' know anything is wrong. Maybe one day you'll know how mad I am, and how different everything is now between us. Maybe one day you're going to get it, and for your sake i hope it is soon. You cant treat people the way that you've treated me and expect them to stay around forever. You can't ask that of me, and i can't do it anymore. I'm leaving. I'm not calling. I'm not instant messaging. I'm not trying. this is my goodbye. Last night was the straw that broke the camels back. I'm not that girl anymore, _ _ _ _. I'm not the girl i used to be in eighth grade, that summer before our freshman year when i so foolishly fell in love with you. I'm not the girl you dumped because your friends told you to. Or the girl who was your first kiss the summer of sophomore year. I'm not the girl you didn't take to formal, or the girl you lied to about prom. I'm not the same girl who's hand you wouldn't hold at school, or even really acknowledged. I'm not the girl who's graduation party that you skipped and your mommy came for you. I'm not the girl who you lost your virginity to and I'm not the girl you went on your first date with. I'm the girl who is done taking it, who is done taking all of the crap that you deal me. And when you can be the guy, who loves this new woman that I've become I'll be ready to meet you. I'll give you a hug and a kiss and I'll stop myself from falling in love all over again. When you become the person who can really love someone, I'm not going to be there. You've wasted to much precious time in my heart, I can't do this anymore. I'm done with us.

Goodbye _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _, please remember that I will always love you, You're always going to be my first love.

Today was Cookie Day

Today the sun almost shown through the clouds.
Almost.
I say almost because it really wasnt a sunny day.
It wasnt a good day, well it could have been,
it semmed to have had potential last night.
But I know when I get up in the morning and its too warm to get out of my bed, that the only place I'm going to want to be the rest of the day is in my bed. In all honesty. I probably could have stayed there.
Ugh
***To be continued***

Long, So Long, Overdue (myspace blog)

I dont know if you knew this, but i was doing pretty okay with out you. Thanks for fucking it up. Thanks for storming back into my life. You're a hurricane building from a central, amazingly calm, point to a disaster waiting to happen.
You know, that you ruined my life for a little bit, right? The way you took everything and just shook it up and dumped it out, and the way you gave up on me. The way you fucking left me, for nothing. You left me for nothing, well something. You left me for her word, not even a good friend of yours. You know how bad that seriously sucks. Do you really understand how crushed i was. i put up with so much garabage for so long and then you fucking decided it would all end up being my fault. Yeah, well seriously, Fuck You for that. It was your fault. YOUR FAULT. If i had done something worthy of you hurting me so bad i wouldnt blame the whole damn thing on you. But I didnt, and now I'm going to blame it on you. It was your fault.
I know you're not going to read this, because this stuff isnt important to you, and you dont pay that much attention to me anyway, but i just want to let you know that I could still love you again. Now that you keep bringing it up, and shoving it in my face, I'm going to love you again. I'm going to get hurt agian. Its going to be your fault, and this time, maybe this time i wont forget it so easily. Maybe i wont get hurt, I doubt it. But i'm going to fall in love with you one more time. and maybe, maybe this time I'm wrong.

About today

I hate money. Money sucks. Money hurts. Money shouldn't exist. Money is emotionally expensive.

But without money I can't survive. I can't go to school. I can't go to see my friends. I can't own things. Its not only me, its everyone. Without money nothing works.

Money drives me crazy. Everytime I turn around it is taken away from me. My time is my money, that is why I work. It is why I learn about carseats for 5 hours. It is why I have to do so many things that I don't really want to do.

Money is corrupt and Sick. It doesn't work now, and it never will.

I only find it neccessary to have a blog

I have unofficially reached the breaking point of my life.
The point where my life is made and discovered
or forced to create a pile of ruin on the floor.
Desperately I don't want to be come the pathetic girl
who wasted her potential.

Why blog..?

Here is my logic, I waste 80% of my days on computers,
therefore, carrying a journal just isnt practical.
With that said I feel like I'm wasting my life.
Lets be honest, I'm not, I know that I'm not.
But there are days (not different from today)
Where I'm just broken, and
how do you maintain your purpose when you are broken.
If you know, tell me.

I have had
THE WORST COUPLE OF DAYS OF MY ENTIRE LIFE
these last few days have been hell.
It kind of sucks.
Maybe tomorrow, I'll elaborate
Mabye even later tonight.
Maybe it will be okay.