He fucking has NO idea how much I've liked him for years. He has no clue that I fucking go crazy when i see him. I thought for the longest time that It wasn't real. It was a joke. Just harmless flirting. NO. apparently its not. Now he tells me its not. How can I possibly convince myself that its really real. I don't believe it.

He put his hand on my thigh tonight. It felt so real. It felt so right for him to be so close to me. So fucking right. I seriously never would have thought that he was anything that I would ever want to be with. Never. Ever. In a lifetime would i have thought that he wanted me back.

He says im "all talk" "full of it" How could I possibly be anything other than that. I never, ever, once believed in him being anymore than someone that i had a harmless little girl crush on. Now. all of a fucking sudden. Its not just a crush. Its REAL. what i have wanted for years is happening. I can't start it. Or stop it. I want him so bad.

He has no idea how bad i've wanted him. NO IDEA. No clue how bad it hurts. How many times i think about him. I get so excited when he calls. God damn it. He has no clue. I can't believe the way that i felt when he touched me. OH MY GOD. I have NEVER felt so good in my life. I'm scared that no one else will make me feel as good as he does.

He knows me so well. I have crush on him in the worst way. I just cant seem to believe it. I can't let him in. I can't let anyone else in until I give him the chance he wants so badly.

He hasnt called back. He should have called back by now.